Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
