wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
