Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
