she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
