Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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