I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
