Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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