hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
