my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
