I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
