Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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