if i can run in heels then i can drive
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
