I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
