I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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