i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
