Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
