You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
