The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
