The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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