Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
