So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
