I love black thongs
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
