I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize