my sisters under your porch take her home
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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