Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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