But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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