and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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