Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
