He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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