my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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