I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize