So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
