i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
