And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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