So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my sisters under your porch take her home
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
