I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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