Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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