Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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