she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You did what with his pubic hair?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
