I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
