she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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