final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
