i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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