I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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