no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I skipped work to stalk him.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
