omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
