What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
