C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
