and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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