no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
