the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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