there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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