Are we in a gay sports bar?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
