I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
