Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
