he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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