Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
