i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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