first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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