Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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