if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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