I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
