If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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