oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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