and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
