Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
