i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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