If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
