i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
