your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
