New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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