I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
