Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
