shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
