Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
