ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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